are you missing winter yet or are you asleep in your coat? there is so much dreaming going on here now that i almost forgot it is spring. i almost forgot to put on my coat too.
this is to let you know that i have given up on being the voice of my generation. i only want to be the voice that has mastered the art of calling you by your real name
I am writing songs that no one will ever sing. Songs that do not recognize themselves. And do not mean anything. I am writing songs that stretch and consume all my time. Songs that do not know where to stop. And do not know how to rhyme. I am writing songs that turn upon themselves as they go. Songs that require some patience. Songs that seem too slow. I am writing songs that do not know what to do. Songs that are impossible. Songs that I live through. I am writing songs that I am not sure that i can end. Songs I want to give you. Songs I am not sure i can defend.
i cannot read this. i cannot read anything that is too close to the truth. i can only write it with my instruments and abandon it. but when you read it, i return. i become something close to a poet, but more like a man who was certain he could be understood, even if it was not by him.
Here is the language I have settled on. There is no sleeping now. It is not possible when you know what the night is for. Here is the bed I will not return to. There is no city now. It is not possible when you know what longing is for. Here is the legacy I leave behind. There is no hesitating now. It is not possible when you have been given a body that does not quite fit, that wants to wear your scars with pride.
I have no suit, no watch, and nowhere to be. For all I know, I am not waiting for anyone, but no one tells me anything. At least not what I want to hear. After a while, you stop waiting. You find a suit and a watch and somewhere to be, even if it is standing in front of a mirror wondering what it was that kept you so long.
from this window, i cannot see the stars. only the dust of industry. maybe another room might greet me more warmly. but here, i can be the stranger i always meant to be, here i can live a life uncompromised by being known.